Attack of the Slime Creatures
by savage barbie
Summary: The misadventures of Mai and Ozai Shinohai, their daughter Valerie and their cat Vallencourt. — #MaizaiMonday drabbles. Dynasty-verse. Complete, for now.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: **Some Quick Facts About This Fic  
Chapters: **Infinite  
 **Pairing:** Mai x Ozai with appearances of AzulaxTy Lee, AzulonxIlah, ZukoxKatara and UrsaxIroh.  
 **Rated:** T for sexual themes, mature humor and moderate language.  
 **Notes:** This is for #MaizaiMonday. They're chronological drabbles set in the Dynasty Universe, starting with Mai's pregnancy with Valerie and going on beyond that. There shouldn't be Tyzula spoilers afoot, even though this is a few years or so post-Spring Fever.

* * *

 _ATTACK OF THE SLIME CREATURES_

* * *

 _"_ _It's like the old Woody Allen joke from Annie Hall where he says all the little boys fall for Snow White, but he was instantly attracted the Evil Queen."  
-Wayne Gladstone-_

* * *

 **#01:** Desperate

"Well, they don't have huckleberry ice cream in New York, so I don't know what you expect me to do. And it isn't as if we can enlist the help of Azula and Ty Lee because we had to stop in this sketchy motel," growls Ozai Shinohai in his regal, commanding, CEO voice.

Mai is not afraid of it; she never has been. She stands there, her feet stuck to the sticky, frayed carpet in the room that smells like bleach—probably to cover up all of the dead bodies—and stares her husband down. She is shorter than him, much smaller than him, much younger than him, but looks at him like she is Bruce Willis staring down the barrel of a gun at a villain.

She is five months pregnant and she has never felt numerous states it has brought on. By far the worst is cravings that make her want to use someone's eyes as dartboard targets every second she does not have it.

Right now, she thinks she might scream.

"We had to stop in Ithaca to make your insane parents happy and have a horrible, horrible fucking lunch with them and your father decided to name our baby which could have been avoided if we flew directly to them, so this is entirely your fault," Mai says. Her voice is cold, poised and dry, but her eyes are wild like Ozai has never seen them.

He says, very casually adjusting his tie and looking down at the suitcases that probably will become infested overnight, "I could have kept driving if you didn't threaten to grab the steering wheel and crash into the Adirondacks if we didn't find somewhere to stay."

"You could overpower me very easily if you wanted to," Mai says, although she knows that argument is absurd. Arguing in the first place is absurd; she does not usually feel passionately enough about something fight over it. "And this is a horrid, desperate situation that has left me even more dead inside than I already was at birth." Mai sits down on the sole bed and softly sighs. Very calmly, she states, "I don't know why I care. I just honestly think I'm going to stab everyone in this entire town to death."

"Well, _that_ is easier than getting you huckleberry ice cream. Why don't you get out your switchblade and I can drive you from neighborhood to neighborhood? This seems like the kind of place where they keep the doors unlocked."

She sits down on the bed. It screeches even under her average weight. He strides to stand across from her and she rolls her eyes. Mai is _mad_ at him, but she cannot handle the moments he is romantic enough to suggest assisting her in a brutal murder spree with nothing but a switchblade and boot knife, with maybe throwing stars. Well, whatever she has in her purse.

"You know why I don't dislike you?" Mai asks. "That's a serious offer."

"Of course it is. A murder spree is much sexier than any dessert," says Ozai. He reaches for her arm and she edges away. That makes his eyes flash, but Mai does not flinch like a sane person would.

"I'm very serious about the huckleberry ice cream. I want you to pay a guy to get on a plane and go get me some ice cream and bring it back here within the next four hours."

"Which is impossible without breaking the laws of space and time."

Mai shouts so rarely, but she hollers this time, "Why won't you break the laws of space and time for me? Am I that unimportant?"

Ozai has no response to his wife's outburst. Mai had no idea she even knew how to raise her voice like that.

"I think you should put on a nice slasher movie or something dark in black and white, and I will pay someone to get you blueberries and vanilla ice cream," Ozai says, touching her shoulder and then pressing down to keep her on the bed.

"Why are you treating me like a child?" demands Mai, struggling to keep her even tone. It breaks on the last word.

"Because you are acting like one."

"You know, remember when I told you I never talked or thought about kids?"

"Yes, you hated them so much that your parents bribed the teachers to let you drop stats in order to avoid the buddy program with the first graders, and are still bitter about an old man you had to sit next to on a plane who told you that you'd change your mind one day, and you will never forgive that stranger even though you have changed your mind since it was your idea not to get an abortion."

"While that is all true, I did lie by omission. I talked to Zuko about having kids one day, once we were engaged. It was a question they asked us about in premarital counseling. He said he wanted children but was deeply afraid that he would be terrible at parenting. Do you know what I said?"

"That he was right?"

"That so long as he wasn't as terrible as his own father, he'd be a good parent. I added that it wouldn't be hard to be a better father than you."

Ozai clenches a fist and punches the wall. She does jump, for the first time. It does not feel remotely satisfying when his usually dry, calm, icy wife is comparing him to Zuko. He has the strong urge to burn this motel to the ground and get back into the car after she passes out from smoke inhalation.

"At least I'm not in prison like your father," he says through clenched teeth.

Mai crosses her legs and entirely reins in her tone. She sounds cold and composed when she dryly says, "I didn't say my dad was even remotely decent at parenting. I mean, I obviously have some pretty strong issues with him if I'm married to an elderly man like you."

Ozai now genuinely considers the arson option. "I'm getting you vanilla ice cream and blueberries." He is father of the year, and should be sainted, for keeping calm.

The coolness of her tone and hardness of her eyes makes the next part sound far, far worse than if she were yelling it. "Blueberries are not huckleberries and I would rather lose the baby than eat them instead. I'm sure it would make you very happy since your father disapproves and even though everyone thinks you're such a powerful Roman Emperor type, he rules your life and turns you into a groveling slave to his absurd whims and awful name for our daughter."

He grabs the hideous lamp and smashes it into the cheap television, which, honestly is doing this place a favor. She bites the inside of her cheek and stays stony and statuesque even as broken glass rains on her feet.

Ozai grits his teeth and then thinks like the politically-minded man he is.

"If you fight this craving and stomach this trip, we will name her Valerie." Ozai has _never_ seen Mai surprised until this moment. "That's name I like, anyway. My father can go fuck himself."

Mai does not know if she believes him, but she will scrawl that name on the birth certificate _herself_ if she must.

"Thank you," she does say, standing and kissing him.

It is the kindest thing Ozai Shinohai has ever done.

But, it might not count is pure generosity when it is such an act of desperation.


	2. Chapter 2

**#02:** Cutthroat

The only words Mai said before she was inside of a twenty-four hour wedding chapel were, "We can't stop here, this is bat country," and she has never said them again. They were appropriate when she and Ozai were driving a billion miles over the speed limit while fairly far from sober on their way from Los Angeles to Las Vegas.

She thinks she has find the only other appropriate time to say that.

It is when they park a few blocks away from Azula's penthouse.

"I know it is," says Ozai, slamming his door behind him, and he regally growls the order, "Now start walking."

"You are so lovely and kind to your pregnant wife," Mai murmurs, mostly sarcastically.

[X]

"You are jealous of an unborn child," says Mai to Azula.

Azula haughtily rolls her eyes. "No, no I am not."

"Yes, you are," Mai admits, trying not to express her distaste. She _knew_ Azula would react this way, but it still feels weird.

And Ty Lee is _way_ too excited. She is thrilled and probably will plan a baby shower, and Mai cannot imagine a fate worse than that. The pastels alone are enough to make her want to hurl.

Mai just walks into the kitchen to find something to eat.

Azula can simmer until she cools off.

[X]

"You are doing well at this," says Ozai, very easily hoisting Mai up onto the dresser.

She sits on it, although his hands on her waist support her more than the wooden piece of furniture. Ozai does not _ever_ give compliments, so Mai is flattered. Not flattered enough to say thank you, of course, but still a little bit honored to be the Kryptonite of a very powerful person.

"I guess I'm just good at not caring what other people think," Mai says, adding an exaggerated shrug. "But if Ty Lee gives me a baby shower, so help me, I will cut her into little pieces with a dinner knife."

Ozai smirks at that. He slides his hand up his skirt and then glass shatters. They both turn around. And Azula is of course there.

"There are not enough painkillers and therapy appointments in the world for this," declares Azula. "Don't you lock?"

"Don't you knock?" Mai replies, although she knows she is in the wrong and Azula is in the right for once.

"Don't you go jump off a building into a pit of ravenous sharks?" Azula says, stepping out, slamming the door and going to find her wife. She is so pissed off that Mai could not be happier. Azula's jealous rage honestly is enough on its own to make keeping the baby worth it.

Still, "God, this family is more cutthroat than a hybrid between the Yakuza and the entertainment business," Mai mutters, rolling her amber eyes.

Ozai just nods and shrugs one shoulder without releasing her waist.

"One day, I will rule this family and be the emperor of the Shinohai emperor and all we have to do is wait for my father to finally die," Ozai remarks, the fact that he will make the family even _more_ cutthroat unsaid. Azula and Zuko would inherit most of the madness, and Mai would just love to see that drama.

Enchanted by the idea of a sooner inheritance of the 'Empress' title, "I want to point out that arsenic exists," Mai says.

He kisses her and the conversation ends.


	3. Chapter 3

**#03:** Inferno

"Who was the favorite child?" Mai scoffs at the question. "My mom's peek-a-poo."

"What the Hell is a peek-a-poo?"

"It's a kind of dog. It's half Pekingese and half miniature poodle." Pause. "I wanted to kill that dog more than once." Pause. "My brother called me a few days ago."

"Did you talk to him?"

"No. I don't answer numbers I've never seen before but he left a voicemail. Well, he left a voicemail that I obviously wasn't going to check because who even does that and he sent me a text telling me he left me a voicemail. I'm not sure if I want to call him back,"

"It's not like he ever abandoned you or loved a dog more than you or made you wear hair ribbons."

"Azula made me wear hair ribbons. She has control issues."

"Why would she care about that?"

"Because she has control issues."

"I've seen pictures of you as a small child with hair ribbons."

"Ugh. I thought you were talking about the ones I had to wear in high school. No, my mom did make me wear those."

"Back to your brother."

"Oh, he said he wanted to meet with me and go through some old boxes of stuff. I don't want any of it. He could burn the boxes if he wanted to." Mai sighs. "But I'll probably ask him to bring them here. I may not really care about anything, but I do have a sense of curiosity."

Ozai does not question her further.

[X]

Tomo brings by the boxes in a glistening truck. Mai has only seen her brother a few times in the past years, but she never expected that choice of car. Or his choice of outfit, which is ripped jeans and flannel. Mai honestly does not know how she is related to her family.

He carries the five red bins into Mai's home and sets them down.

Mai does not know what to say; he does not either.

"I'm pregnant," says Mai, because she thinks he might be staring at her. "And you can sit down if you want to stay."

Tomo says, "Yes," to answer both of her comments.

He sits on the sofa, feeling like he will somehow sully it. Everything in this red Roman-style mansion is in flawless condition. Tomo supposes it will not stay that way if she is having a baby.

"So, boxes…" Mai attempts. God, she prefers silence, but he keeps giving her this _expectant_ look. "A reason for them?"

"A huge housefire, actually, and moving because of that inferno. We had to go through a ton of possessions and found some of your stuff," he says.

Mai drums her fingers on the arm of her chair as she tries to think of something else to say. She gives up and decides to open one of the bins. Mai grabs fragments of a past she does not care very much about.

"We didn't open them yet. It seemed like an invasion of privacy," says Tomo, before noticing that Ozai Shinohai has torn the lid off of one and started going through Mai's things. "Not that it's a… I just thought it was…"

"It is an invasion of privacy, Tom-Tom." Mai does glance at her husband, but not out of anger or even distaste. She does not care about it until he picks up a decorated wooden box. Mai suddenly remembers what is inside and snaps, "Don't touch that!"

Ozai pays her no mind and picks it up. Mai averts her eyes as he opens the dark, scribbled on hatbox. Within are eight diaries.

"Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate. Is that French?"

"Abandon all hope ye who enter here, and I'm serious about not touching that."

"So, it is French."

"No, it's Italian. From _Inferno_. From _The Divine Comedy_. By that guy, Dante? Ugh. That's the goth phase diary. It's less embarrassing than the hipster phase but more embarrassing than the other diaries."

He opens it and Mai tries not to stab him and Tom-Tom both to remove the witnesses before they witness something so humiliating.

"Today was awful. I really need to stop opening my entries with that. It's getting boring. But today really deserves that opening because I spent an eternity in the ER since Ty Lee fell out of a window spying on Azula changing her clothes." Ozai slowly shuts it.

"I told you it was embarrassing, didn't I?"

"I don't think I want to know what's in the hipster phase diary. Which one is that?"

"The one with Zuko's stupid hipster band album cover stuck on the front of it," Mai says, sighing.

Ozai does pick it up and looks only at the cover. "Inferno Tsunami by You've Never Heard of It. This is already embarrassing and I haven't even opened it."

Mai cannot help but smirk. It _is_ true, after all.

Her brother still looks awkward.

"How about lunch or something?" Mai offers him.

He nervously nods.

[X]

"This house is going to be really hard to baby-proof," says Tomo, looking out of the kitchen's bay window. It drops off directly into the canyon.

Mai follows his gaze and shrugs. "We can always just break her ankles like in _Misery_." Tom-Tom looks aghast. Mai rolls her eyes. "I'm kidding. But I'm going to keep this house for as long as I possibly can; we just moved a year ago from that boring neighborhood where we grew up."

Her brother ruffles his hair, a habit she does not remember him having.

Mai spends an uncomfortable hour with him while her husband pretends to have a work emergency.

[X]

After he is gone and Ozai is back and Mai is curled on the sofa watching _Real Housewives of Atlanta_. He shuts the door and walks inside, sitting in the armchair by the electric fire.

Mai says, "They just don't make Hallmark cards for our family."

"If you're about to tell me that you want to raise our baby in some kind precious and adorable bubble of delusions…"

"No. I really don't care about the dysfunction. I just know that my brother hates my parents now too, and Zuko hates you and Azula hates her mother."

"A baby is nothing more than a parasite that grows up to hate you. Have you never heard that expression?"

Mai smiles into the couch cushion.


	4. Chapter 4

**#04:** Generosity

"Zuko, the fact that I am allowing you to come with me is beyond generous," growls Ozai as they stand in front of the veterinarian's office.

"No, the reason you're letting me come with you is because the vet is Katara's best friend, so we get the treatment for free and last minute without an appointment."

"Shut up, Zuko," states Ozai, taking the fluffy black kitten from his son's arms.

"I'm seriously only helping you because I want to give this kitten a home and because I think Mai could really love her."

"You don't think that about Mai," coldly says Ozai as they step inside. "You're just still in love with her after all of these years and seem to believe I'll include your helpfulness in the story when I give the cat to her."

Zuko rolls his eyes and signs in at the front desk.

[X]

"It's a girl," says the vet, rubbing the neck of the ink black kitten. "And…"

"What kind is it?" Ozai inquires.

The vet squints, looking stumped. "A weird Asian looking thing."

"No, that's my son. What kind of cat is it?"

Zuko grunts on the other side of the room.

"I'm not sure. I'll be right back with the vaccinations and you'll be good to go, Mr. Shinohai."

[X]

"I got you a present," says Ozai upon entering the master bedroom. He finds his wife lying in bed with oversized headphones on and a wireless mouse beneath her pallid palm.

Mai sighs, pauses her video game, and looks up. "I'm not done completing my murders for the morning, so I'm not going to be really thrilled or happy or willing to talk to you about—what's that thing?"

"A cat," he says, setting down the weird creature at the foot of the bed.

It has black fur, shimmering wide eyes and disproportionate features.

"Its tail is way too long and its paws are huge," Mai flatly remarks. "What kind is it?"

"Well, the vet said it was some kind of weird Asian-looking breed, but I think it's a Bombay cat, which is part American Shorthair and part Burmese, which makes for the long tail and Egyptian-looking face. It's also a girl."

The kitten directs her slit-pupiled emerald eyes to her new owner. She pads across the bed and sits down on Mai's laptop, mrrping once and then falling asleep.

"How do you know what a Bombay cat is?" Mai asks, quickly undoing her cocked eyebrow.

"I just looked up cat breeds on my phone while waiting for it to get its shots and picked the picture that looked most like it," Ozai says, sitting down on the bed. "I have no idea why the vet couldn't do something so simple."

"Did you tell him that?"

"Of course."

"Did he cry?"

"Yes."

Mai sits up, carefully avoiding disturbing her new furry friend, and kisses him passionately on the lips. He still remains cold and stony even when she pulls away, which always makes her heart speed up. No other guy has ever done that.

"That's so sexy. Not the crying guy; you making people cry. Waiters and doctors and salesmen…" Mai cannot suppress a fleeting smile. "I'm naming her Vallencourt." Pause. "They grow into their paws like puppies, right?"

"I have no idea, nor do I care."

"Why did you get me a kitten?"

"Well, my mother always said never to get people kittens as presents, but my secretary found a litter of them under her boyfriend's hot tub and brought them in a little basket to work to give away for free. She's allergic to cats, apparently. No one wanted this one and I took pity on her."

"On Vallencourt or Rachelle?"

"Both."

Mai pokes the little kitten and Vallencourt opens her eerie eyes. She softly but not sweetly asks, "Did you come from under a hot tub?" and Vallencourt promptly begins purring.

"Enjoy your Vallencourt, and I'm out of generosity for the week."

"It's only Monday," Mai comments, scratching the kitten behind its ears.

Ozai replies, "I know."


	5. Chapter 5

**#05:** Blood

Mai did not want to leave the house, but her husband does not ever take no for an answer and he apparently disapproves of her not wanting to leave her bed. She sits at her favorite restaurant—a minuscule consolation—and silences a call for the third time since they were seated.

And they do not even have their appetizers yet.

"How do you block a number?" Mai asks, shoving her phone into her pitch-black purse.

He narrows his eyes at her. She does not express any discomfort as a normal person would. "I have no idea why you think I would know that. Whose number?"

"My mom's," Mai says with a hint of exasperation in her voice. "She's been calling me since my brother gave her my number like a jerk."

Ozai coldly and cavalierly suggests, "Maybe you should talk to her. She's your blood."

Mai glares, a faint but powerful expression on her pallid face. Her witty retort is, "You haven't met your own granddaughter yet and Zuko and Katara have been staying in LA half of the time for three months."

And, without missing a beat, Ozai predictably insists, "That's different."

Mai sighs. "Yes, it is. Because while we both hate Zuko, my mom abandoned me to clean up her mess after my dad went to prison," Mai says. "I don't want her anywhere near our child or even our cat."

Silence. Mai's phone vibrates from her purse and she grits her teeth.

After a moment's thought, her husband at last says, "My sagely advice as your elder by decades is this: Isn't it better to give her hope that you'll answer? Then you can crush it until it is gone."

Mai can imagine her face, and so she honestly admits, "I like that idea."


	6. Chapter 6

**#06:** Steel

Mai is stuck in bed, waiting another hour for her husband to rescue her, with a black cat on her baby bump and two witches looming over the sacrificial altar called a king-sized bed.

Azula sharply says, "I cannot believe my father has given us this job. We are here vacationing in our lovely Los Angeles home and _you_ have to get put on bed rest. You always were deplorably selfish."

Mai rolls her eyes. Ty Lee just enthusiastically nods.

"So, this baby was an accident?" Ty Lee asks, scratching her head.

Mai flatly replies, "Yes, and you can't be judgmental when Bunny is one too."

Ty Lee laughs. Azula focuses too intently on her work e-mail. Mai wishes she were elsewhere. "Why do you think Bunny was an accident?"

Mai says, "Well, you _were_ nineteen when you had her."

Ty Lee replies, "Yeah, but I wanted to get pregnant."

Mai, baffled, inquires, "You… wanted to get pregnant at nineteen?"

Ty Lee says, waving her hand. "No, I just couldn't get a ride to the abortion clinic."

Mai ever-so-slightly narrows her amber eyes. "Which of those was sarcasm?"

Ty Lee smiles at her, as if it is obvious. "The second one, duh. My boyfriend wanted to break up with me so I got pregnant. It was like really easy because I'm like a fertile Myrtle."

Mai pets Vallencourt and tries to pay her best friends no mind.

[X]

When Ozai comes home, the torture does not end. Mai glares at him but he ignores her. She thinks she might kill him at this point.

"I think about murdering you a lot lately," Mai says, snatching Vallencourt as she tries to run away. She sets the cat back on her. Vallencourt purrs, paws Mai's nose and goes back to sleep.

"It is very hard to take that seriously when you have a kitten on top of you."

"I do, though. You know, you have the ability to stay home from work with me and not hire these two people I always forget how much I hate—"

"Your best friends since you were a toddler."

" _These two people I always forget how much I hate_ and I've been stuck with them for the entire day. If I did not have nerves of steel and no access to sharp objects, they would both be dead, and then when you came home, you would be dead too. Everyone bleeding on the floor." She turns to her cat. "Vallencourt would love that. Would you love to see a massacre, Vallencourt?"

The cat meows. Ty Lee giggles.

"The kitten agrees. Oh, she _agrees_. That's so cute." Ty Lee beams.

Mai scowls and closes her eyes.

[X]

Late that evening, Azula is on a work call and Ty Lee is on delivery girl duty for dinner. Ozai sits beside Mai in their bedroom.

He says, "I will give you anything you want tonight. Well, anything purchasable."

"You can buy anything," Mai whispers, feigning the soft tone of a dying woman. "I want breakfast in bed."

"It's seven at night."

"I want breakfast in bed," Mai says. Her voice has slight intonation, which Ozai takes very seriously. "I want Ty Lee to make me breakfast and I want Azula to bring it to me in bed, which I doubt she has ever done for anyone and it would be very deeply satisfying."

"Because I love sleeping with you, I'll do that."

"Because I love your money, I'll not kill you."

She faintly smiles. He fights and fails to stop himself from smiling back.

[X]

Ty Lee brings Mai breakfast in bed. Azula sits there and has her own. Still, Mai has a crowd around her as if she is dying and not just on bed rest.

She liked it much better when they both lived in New York full time.

"I need a shower," Mai complains when she gets syrup on her hand. "I'm sticky. I fucking hate being sticky."

Ty Lee chirps, "You could take a horse bath."

Ozai dryly mocks, "Yes, we absolutely could take her out to the corral and hose her down."

Ty Lee giggles. Azula clenches her jaw. "No, like with baby wipes or like I guess a sink."

Her wife snaps at her, "That is a whore's bath, Ty Lee."

Ozai turns to Mai and says, "I am glad I got the smart one."

"And the one who has nerves of steel."

"And the hotter one."

"And the one who you will _never_ leave at the mercy of _them_ again."

"What happened to nerves of steel?"

"Azula and Ty Lee happened."


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N:**_ _A short chapter this week. I didn't really want to write out the birth of Valerie in graphic detail so I just gave a little vignette about pain medication and induction of labor._

* * *

 **#07:** Pain

The doctor scratches his head and remarks, "You know, you're the first woman I've ever seen look so calm while in labor."

"Yeah, well, just tell me when I can have that pain medicine," Mai says, closing her eyes. "It's been hours and hours and hours and I had no idea that having a baby was so boring. I should thank you for inducing this but it actually is horrible. I hate it."

Once the doctor checks everything with Mai, shaking under the scrutinizing glare of Ozai Shinohai, and gives no indication of how much longer the pain and torture will go on. Ozai peels his gaze from the doctor and sees Mai typing on her phone.

"Are you telling everyone?" he asks.

"Yeah. I'm texting Azula and Ty Lee, since they should be here, then I'm texting your parents and your ex-wife. Azula and Ty Lee said they'll be here in an hour, and everyone else is coming tomorrow morning," says Mai, reading off the group text.

"Why are you inviting Ursa?" Ozai wonders if she simply wants to put him in as much pain as he is putting her through right now.

"Because she said she'd help with the baby and I don't have a mom. She's basically been my mother since I was a kid. She always had Hello Kitty band-aids and made sure I had eaten. I mean, it's her or Ilah."

Ozai quickly chooses, "Her."

Mai smirks and almost laughs. "That was fast."

"My parents will be much more painful to deal with than my ex," Ozai casually explains.

"Why?"

"Because I don't give a fuck what my ex thinks about me but my parents must approve of everything I do," Ozai says, which Mai expects.

"Get them to bring me pain medicine," Mai asks of her husband. He nods, stands up, and, in minutes, a quite nervous nurse hooks Mai up. "What's the street name for this? This is good."

The nurse flashes a concerned smile and does not answer.


	8. Chapter 8

**#08:** Beauty

"Well, she _is_ the most beautiful baby I have ever seen," says Ozai, and Azula clears her throat. "She looks exactly like her older sister."

"Was Zuko not a pretty baby?" Mai asks, genuinely curious. Valerie is, of course, the prettiest baby there ever was. But Zuko grew up to be a gorgeous young man.

"I thought he was at the time," Ozai remarks, taking Valerie from Mai and setting her down in her cradle.

Mai dryly protests, "He grew up to be pretty. He still is. That's why all of his girlfriends have been solid sevens."

"Past tense?" Ozai inquires, cocking an eyebrow.

Mai sighs when she explains, "Katara is an eight."

"You're a nine or ten," earnestly argues Ozai, grabbing her shoulder and turning her in a circle that she just limply goes with. "You're a nine for looks and a ten for personality. Or maybe the other way around." Pause. "That honestly does not matter; you were so far out of his league that you were a different sport."

"He was equally pretty. I would've probably broken up with him if he wasn't. You know, I kept meaning to break up with him for one reason or another but I never had the energy to do it. He left me for Ty Lee once and I dated Jet" admits Mai, shrugging. She does know her colorful past with Zuko makes her marriage awkward. "Obviously, we got back together but not officially. We just kind of kissed and watched a movie. Then he broke up with me through a text. God."

"It's not surprising that you dated someone because you were too lazy to end it," Ozai says, which makes Mai roll her amber eyes. "I think that's the only possible explanation for how you could've almost married him."

A knock on the door interrupts them and subsequently makes Valerie start wailing hysterically again. Mai picks up Valerie; Ozai answers the door.

"You look… decent," says Ozai, the best thing he can think of to say to his ex-wife. And he mutters to himself as she walks to find Mai, "The things I do for love."

Mai ignores him and turns to the woman who was more of a mother to her than her own. She always had nicer band-aids and cleaned up Mai's scraped knees. And other mother things. Like feeding her when her parents forgot.

"When do they stop crying?" Mai asks.

"Never," replies Ursa. "My children—child—still calls me in the middle of the night when he has a problem."

Mai keeps her mouth shut out of loyalty to Azula, but her best friend does that too. Mai still recalls the time she called them in Singapore while crying about _Interstellar_.

"I'm so happy to be a mother," sarcastically says Mai. "Although, I guess I would've hated not keeping her. My life is really boring and a baby might make it interesting."

"Very interesting," says Ursa with a knowing smile that slightly concerns her successor.

"Yeah…" Mai hands the wailing newborn to her surrogate mother and goes to lie down on the sofa and watch reality television.

Ozai vanishes to avoid his ex-wife.

Ursa feels very strong deja vu.


	9. Chapter 9

**#09:** Desire

Mai sits with Valerie in her arms and secret tears in her eyes after her fourth sleepless night. She enlisted Azula and Ty Lee to help, which means keeping Ursa out of the house while Azula is in the house but using both of their skill sets to stay stable.

"May I?" Azula purrs, reaching out to hold her sister.

Mai hands her over. "Whatever."

Azula cradles Valerie in her arms. The little girl's bright gold eyes gaze lovingly at Azula, oddly alert for someone only two weeks old.

"She is so precious. So much like me. Almost like she could replace me. Isn't it so odd how babies have such fragile little necks?" she comments and Mai grabs her baby back. "I was only kidding. I know I am the one and only in my father's life."

"Princess," says Ozai as he enters, and both Mai and Azula respond at the same time.

"What?" reply two voices.

Maybe Azula is wrong about her assertion.

[X]

Azula sits on the patio by the pool with a burning cigarette between her fingers as her father sits on a pool chair as if it is a throne.

"I need you to take Valerie from my home," says Ozai.

"Ask mother," Azula retorts. "She's better with kids."

"I don't trust your mother with my baby, but I trust you, my beloved daughter, who I will leave all of my money to when I die," Ozai says, and he has her with that last part.

"Why do you not want to spend all of your time with your baby, who will only be a baby for a short period of time."

"Because I want to have sex with my wife."

"You…" Azula has no response to that.

"What? We have not slept together in a long time, and I haven't cheated on her because I'm a one woman man, except when I'm not," says Ozai and Azula's eyes widen. "You don't understand that level of desire. You're married to Ty Lee."

"Jesus Christ, father, tell someone else that, and don't subtly call my wife a slut. Only _I_ can subtly call my wife a slut," snaps Azula. "But fine. I will babysit Valerie, so long as you agree to only speak about desire for _money_ and _power_ and not the other thing."

"Fine." He waves a hand.

Azula shudders and goes to abduct her little sibling.

Ty Lee will sure love the day out with the newborn.


	10. Chapter 10

**#10:** Eyes

"Your eyes are cognac," remarks Ozai, pausing _Hostel 3_ to pay attention to his wife. The mother of his child, recently.

"Does that matter?" Mai asks, puzzled by the statement. He never seemed the type who cared about that kind of thing, or even noticed it. She would not be surprised if he thought her eyes were blue, to tell the truth.

Ozai smoothly replies, "I've been trying to figure out the color for some time. Valerie has cognac eyes as well."

"Her eyes are gold," says Mai. "Like you and your entire… brood."

Ozai laughs. "Brood?"

Mai's lips flicker with a fleeting smile.

"Yes. I can't find many suitable phrases for your family. That sounds kind of Ancient Greek Tragedy. Brood. Your family could be ripped out of _Agamemnon_ or _Oedipus Rex_ ," Mai casually says, and Ozai tosses a lock of her hair with one finger to avoid saying anything cruel.

He thinks he has at least a month before he can be snide with her. Valerie makes it difficult to fight with the girl.

"So, cognac eyes?" Mai asks.

"Yes."


End file.
